that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We had sex on a dog bed..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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