I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize