There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you traded sex for a burrito?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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