Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
