yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize