my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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