I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
