He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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