I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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