tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
