how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
