I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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