if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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