you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
