She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
