They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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