So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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