my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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