Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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