Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize