Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
