mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
