i don't like sucking hair
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
