so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
