I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I could have mohawked her pubes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
