K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
