I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
