It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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