In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
