ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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