I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
