he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
