Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
