Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize