He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am mentally ready for anal.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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