he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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