the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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