i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
