Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
