ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
