The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
