The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
