And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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