I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize