like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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