dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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