Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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