All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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