do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
