You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
