woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
