You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
