i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
