Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
