A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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