Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
