The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
