For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
