My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
