Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He passed out mid-signature
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize