So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
