Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
