And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
