she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
These tits shall not be calmed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
