I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
