Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
