i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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