fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
