hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
