kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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