I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
