i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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