I want to stick my p in your. b.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
