'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
