how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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