Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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