he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
