i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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